Expanding our Efforts

We have decided to expand our efforts to raise money for IVF. While we are financially secure, the total cost of the procedure is very intimidating and the last thing we want to do is be left with a large amount of debt at the birth of our first child.  We have been doing several things to raise the funds; dog sitting, furniture making, selling on eBay, etc. We are very budget minded – we are always focused on saving and cutting back our spending.  Our ultimate goal is to find a way to raise these funds ourselves without the burden of a loan.

Many people have asked how they can help. We have set up a crowd funding site and any donations would be greatly appreciated. If you are able to give a small amount to our cause we’d be grateful!

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/baby-hartman/280996

At least we have each other.

I’ve had some rough days lately. I’m a planner and a worrier and this drives my husband crazy. He tells me to be more spontaneous and to let things go. We were bummed this week to find out that we didn’t receive the grants we had applied for. I had thrown most of my hope into this and was a bit crushed. Derek, like always, remained strong. He lets me throw a temper tantrum then talks me down. He knows how to say the right thing. At least we have each other.

There isn’t anybody I’d rather be on this infertility journey with. He is the most responsible person in the room all while being the life of the party. He truly makes me a better person. Derek is a business man and a thinker. Since being infertility broke he has started building and selling furniture. He’s amazing and we are able to save money a lot faster with this extra income. He may not react the way I do but he’s trying to make this work just as hard as I am.

During the last round of treatment I was prescribed injectables. This meant I had to get a daily shot in the abdomen. Derek’s always been a little squeamish about hospitals but I’m way worse. There was no way I’d be shooting myself up. He stepped up and gave me a shot every night. We laughed each time as I squirmed around the couch. This stupid process somehow made us grow closer. Our relationship couldn’t be stronger.

With every failed cycle or disappointment he stays calm. He reminds me that it’ll work someday and I believe him. After the disappointment of losing the grants we went over our options.

The planner in me needed to figure something out. We talked through our finances and have a tentative plan (more on that later). But for now, we are going to enjoy the holidays and each other.

Feel free to contact us if you are interested in any furniture. He has experience making lots of handmade pieces. The dresser below is one of my favorites.

Dear pregnant woman

Dear pregnant woman,

I’m sorry for the way that I feel.

I promise that I am happy for you. I truly am but I’m sadder for myself. I’ve grown selfish throughout my infertility journey. I feel cheated and it hurts to see you around. My mind fills with hundreds of questions when you wobble around Target. What did she do differently? I wonder if she had infertility. What does it feel like to be pregnant? I’m embarrassed that I’m staring at you. I’m just jealous of your growing belly.

I’m no longer surprised when you tell me how you got that belly. I’ve heard all the stories. It was an accident and you were even on birth control. You only had sex once. These stories make me feel like a failure.

Be proud of your morning sickness or pregnancy symptoms. Do you know what I’d give to have that? You are growing a human being; it’s a miracle that comes with some discomfort.

Your ultrasounds remind me of my infertility treatments because my ultrasounds are full of polycystic ovaries and underdeveloped follicles. There isn’t ever a baby. Cherish those images.

I’m sorry if I miss your baby shower. It reminds me that the stroller I wanted is outdated. The nursery themes that I liked are no longer in style. Baby showers only reminded me of all the things I can’t have.

I’m sorry.

If you went through a similar journey, please be open about it. Infertility isn’t something to be ashamed of and it’s nice to know that I’m not alone. It’s also nice to know that there could be a happy ending for me and that someday my belly will grow.

Love,

Mrs. Hartman