This is all about survival.

We started the process of preparing my body for FET (frozen embryo transfer) a few weeks ago. My natural hormones were shut down and the drugs did their part to control my reproductive system. I’ve somehow managed to keep it together for weeks of side effects from birth control and Lupron with the help of essential oils and Natural Calm. I have a lot of faith in oils and vitamins. Magnesium does wonders for headaches and overall health. And my house may smell like a natural foods store but it is tranquil and helps me feel relaxed. This is all about survival.

This week the good stuff began. We traveled to St. Louis twice to see Dr. Dayal at the Sher Institute for Reproductive Medicine. I received an intralipid infusion. Part of me (actually a lot of me) was excited to be injected with this gross milky substance. I mustered up the guts to get an IV in my hand and waited two long hours as it made it’s way through my body. This simple but complex treatment may be the trick to making this whole thing work. My immune system is too reactive and my natural killer cells have most likely been attacking the embryos each time we try to get pregnant. This fatty soy and egg based product will give the natural killer cells something to attack and take the focus away from the embryos. It makes sense and hopefully does the job.

The lining of my uterus was also checked each time this week. It finally reached the greater than 9 millimeters requirement with the help of an extra dose of Estrace daily. And just like that we are ready to transfer our embryos.

But not too fast. Since my own reproductive hormones have been shut down I had to begin the infamous progesterone in sesame oil. I also started a regimen of antibiotics and steroids to ensure that my immune system stays at bay. I have felt like a science experiment this week.

Progesterone in oil has me loosing my mind. It is by far the worst injection I’ve done as it is thick and has to go into the muscle. I psych myself out every night. I act like I’m busy but really I’m trying to postpone it. I sweat profusely while Derek gets the shot ready and I ice my ass with a Buzzy. A Buzzy is a vibrating ice pack in the shape of a bee. It’s adorable and I depend on it. No shame. I cannot thank my husband enough for playing doctor every night so I don’t have to inject myself. He will be a pro at all things injections by the time we are through with this crap. 

The next step is to thaw 2 of our 4 embryos and safely put them into my uterus. I’ve done this part before and know what to expect. Knowing is half the battle. A lot of infertility is spent not knowing therefore we obsess over research articles or stories from other women but I’m beginning to learn that no one’s story is the same. I’ve run into my fair share of hiccups along the way and can only hope that sharing them helps one person. We are all just trying to survive. Our transfer will be in the near future and the dreaded two week wait will ensue. I’ll do my best to survive and stay busy because that’s all I can do.

So please wish us luck as we reach the end and hopefully the beginning!

P.S. I would like to immensely thank everyone who has made this cycle so much easier and allowed us to focus on making this work. My father in law helped us get hotel rooms in St. Louis which saved us from getting up at 3 am for the four hour drive. My mom has been by my side when Derek stayed back in Indy to work. And my co-workers and employer have been overwhelmingly supportive. I am more than lucky!